Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
