My underwear smells like fireworks.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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