..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
