just come out here and I will go home with you...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
