Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
