the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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