Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
