Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
