he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
