she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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