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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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