He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
