i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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