Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
