Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
