my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
