everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
