I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
