she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
