guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
