the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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