How'd it feel making her break her religion?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
