I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
