It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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