I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
