why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
