is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
