I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
