for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
