My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
