I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
