my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
