My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
