didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
