dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
birth control should be required to get into college
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
