i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
