I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
