the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
