Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm passing your future prison.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
