He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
