the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
