I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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