Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
