What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
