Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Boobs speak an international language.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
