Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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