Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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