Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
