My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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