I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
