whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
