i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
