I am puke
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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